8 Reasons I Didn’t Enjoy Iron Man

Posted on May 5, 2008
Filed Under General | 15 Comments

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I’m sure I have your attention, as everyone, and I mean pretty much EVERYONE, has nothing but positive things to say about Iron Man, which is one of the best reviewed movies of the year. I really liked Iron Man as well. I just didn’t ENJOY it. Why? Here are 8 reasons:

1. There were a ton of kids at the 4:30 showing my wife and I went to. I don’t mean teenagers. I can deal with teenagers because they are there to actually watch the movie. No, I’m talking about 6, 7, 8, 9 year olds, and babies. Not Swingers-style babies, actual infants. Now, I have no problem with kids. I’m a big kid myself at times. But when I go see a movie I have been dying to see for more than a year, well that’s a different story.

2. My wife and I picked seats in the middle of the theater, with a nice buffer zone, about two minutes before the trailers started. Then a lady with a child of about 6 or 7 sat in front of us and, you guessed it, they talked through the whole movie. Not only did they talk, but the lady’s cell phone rings in the middle of the movie and they get up a few times and go to the lobby. The problem was the kid could care less about the movie. It’s mom who really wanted to see it. So, this ignorant and inconsiderate person, who knew that the kid was probably not going to like this flick (she continued to try to bribe him to be quiet throughout the movie) decided it was OK to disturb other people in the theater so that she could see Iron Man. The funny thing is, there is no way she could have enjoyed the movie either.

3. There was an adult, an ADULT, behind us and to the left who received a phone call during the movie. He then got another one and was talking on the phone as he walked down the steps toward the lobby. At least he was whispering.

4. There was a couple in their 40’s or 50’s behind us and to the right who talked throughout the movie. The adult male even told a long-winded story about fighter jets during the very cool “dogfight” scene .

5. There were at least two babies in attendance. That’s right, two Utah. And they both cried at various intervals. One of these babies sat in the front with his or her parents and cried a lot. I felt sorry for these parents. All they wanted to do was watch the movie, but that baby kept crying. What did they do? They sat there for five minutes or so to see if the baby would stop crying. Then one of the parents took the crying baby to the lobby for a minute or so and walked back in the theater so that they wouldn’t miss too much of the movie. Unfortunately the baby kept crying. Never mind the rest of us who paid $10/ticket to see this flick.

6. There were no ushers. Not one.

7. There was either a problem with the screen or the film itself. The picture was not crisp and there were spots on a large area of the screen that were very easy to see during scenes with bright backgrounds. I’m just glad there were no desert scenes or scenes of Iron Man flying during the daytime.

8. The sound was bad. It was hard to hear the actors speak at times (and no it wasn’t because of the talking or crying in the theater) and there was no surround sound despite the existence of numerous speakers lining the sides of the theater.

Now to answer your questions:

Question: Why did we go to a 4:30 movie on opening weekend?

Answer: Because I am an idiot. I should have known that there would be a lot of kids there and a lot of talking. That said, my wife and I once went to a very hard R-rated horror flick at 9:00 p.m. a few years ago and a guy brought four kids ranging in age from 4 to 10 and an infant. Sometimes you just never know.

Question: Why didn’t we get up to complain?

Answer: Well, we paid $20 for tickets and I wasn’t about to miss any of this flick. I also made up my mind about 20 minutes in that I was going to go see it again because of the issues we were having.

Question: Why didn’t you complain after the flick?

Answer: We did. Apparently some of these issues were our fault (we didn’t move, leave the movie to complain, allowed babies to enter the theater, etc.) This part of the story is not over.

Question: Why didn’t we move to a different part of the theater?

Answer: For a few reasons. 1) It would not have made a huge difference because the theater was pretty crowded and we didn’t know if we would be in worse shape if we would have moved; 2) we didn’t want to miss any of the movie; 3) I kept “shushing” and thought someone would eventually get the hint. They didn’t.

OK, the longest post I have ever written is coming to a close, but just bear with me a little longer . . .

I am so sick of ignorant and inconsiderant people in movie theaters. This isn’t the first time this has happened, but it was the worst ever. Please, please PLEASE just shut up when the movie starts, turn off your cell phones (don’t just switch them to vibrate), and don’t bring your children to the theater unless: 1) they can behave themselves; 2) they are old enough to enjoy the movie; and 3) they actually WANT TO SEE the movie. If you can’t say with accuracy that you can meet each of these requirements - get a babysitter or don’t come to the movie.

And for theater owners - please make sure your theaters are in good working order and/or the film isn’t damaged (for 10 bucks a ticket EVERYTHING should look and sound excellent), please have ushers walking through the theaters, and please institute policies against children under a certain age from attending movies that are not rated G. Oh yeah, please take some responsibility for these issues as well.

That’s it. I’m done. I actually feel a little better. Hopefully I’ll have an opportunity to see this movie again this week. If not, I’ll probably have to wait for the DVD release. At least then I’ll know that there will be no talking or crying - unless the DVD is damaged